Political Jokes

  • user warning: Table 'tuttles.date_format_types' doesn't exist query: SELECT dft.type, dft.title, dft.locked FROM date_format_types dft ORDER BY dft.title in /home/public/sites/all/modules/date/date_api.module on line 2098.
  • user warning: Table 'tuttles.date_format_locale' doesn't exist query: SELECT format, type, language FROM date_format_locale in /home/public/sites/all/modules/date/date_api.module on line 2227.

It's been reported by several media outlets that the professional comedians can't think of any jokes about Obama (this sounds better than admitting they're in the tank for him or just cowards), so I thought I'd offer the following—free of charge!—as a public service.

Q. Why doesn't Obama like the song "Margaritaville"?
A. Lives in mortal fear of blowing out one of his flip-flops.

Q. How come Obama made it all the way through Harvard without publishing any opinions?
A. William Ayers and Rev. Wright hadn't formed them for him yet.

The sarcasm of being voted "Most Honorable Politician in Chicago" hasn't registered on him, yet.

Remember that episode of "Seinfeld" where Elaine's boyfriend would shut down mentally every time the Eagles song "Witchy Woman" came on? It was based on Obama's love of waffles.

Why did Obama change his stance on the 2nd Amendment? After dealing with the Clintons for half a year the ability to fire back when under attack made a lot more sense.

Q. What experience does Obama have that would qualify him to run anything?
A.

Q. Why did Obama declare "present" over 150 times while in the Illinois legislature (rather than casting an actual vote on the matter at hand)?
A. He's convinced his presence is enough to solve any problem.

A2. Because he's an honorable man who believes that one shouldn't vote on a proposition with which he is not familiar and many of those propositions had big words and were really long and who's got the time to read them all the way through when there are waffles to be eaten, anyway?

A3. Because Al Gore told him years before that just being near an event would allow him to take credit for the whole thing later on.

Q. Why are foreign dictators so willing to meet with Obama?
A. They know they can preach to him for twenty years before he hears any of their anti-Americanism.

Q. Why did Obama cancel his appearance in front of the Brandenberg Gate while in Berlin?
A. Originally wanted to generate the comparisons between himself and Kennedy and Reagan then realized it might dawn on someone that those guys said things of substance and who needs that kind of pressure?

Q. How can you tell which Obama supporter will be the next to be "thrown under the bus"?
A. Whichever one speaks next. (Honestly, this joke works for McCain, too.)

Q. Why did all three network anchors follow Obama on his world tour?
A. To pretend that there's some hope of finding a doctor in another country who can surgically remove their lips from O's derriere.

Q. Why did Obama reverse his previous stance on wiretapping?
A. Thought he could overhear some hot real estate tips from Rezko and wouldn't have to pay for them.

Q. Why did Obama tell the people of Israel he had served on the Banking Committee in the U.S. Senate? (7.22.08)
A. He remembers serving on the committee as well as he remembers Rev. Wright's sermons.

Just trying to help, Sam