Weird Thoughts

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Have you seen the commercial for the cable television company that features a panda getting all excited because the cable guy has hooked him up with a channel of bear porn? Shouldn’t this trouble us on a lot of levels, not the least of which is that pandas are marsupials? A panda should be no more turned on by bear porn than, well, you or I.

I saw, this past week, the perfect fill-out of an NCAA basketball bracket. In large letters, across the whole thing, someone had written with a Sharpie, “Baseball starts in two weeks.”

Victoria’s Secret has come out with a line of Major League Baseball-themed apparel. Or, MLB has come out with a line of Victoria’s Secret-themed apparel. Either way, I don’t see how this could possibly be good for society in general. Is there really a need for a form-fitting, see-through jersey? I’m guessing it’s for women who are convinced that the only reason their man watches so much baseball is because of the uniforms. Uh-huh, that’s it.

Many people are lamenting that the ratings are way down for shows like “American Idol” and “Dancing with the Stars”, not to mention that “X Factor” is already gone and, it turns out, America May Not Have Had As Much Talent As We Thought. The conventional wisdom is that these shows (and other “reality” shows, like “Survivor”, “The Amazing Race” and “CBS Evening News with Scott Pelly”) have just run their course. It sounds like a reasonable hypothesis, except that how come the NFL, MLB and the NBA haven’t run their course? People are still tuning in to them each week even though—on a surface level—the show is the same every time.

There was an article this week in one of the “major magazines” warning the Catholic Church that, if they don’t change some of their practices (i.e. “doctrines”) they were going to shrink and become irrelevant in this “enlightened age”. As a matter of full disclosure, I am not Catholic, but don’t you just love it when someone who is clearly hostile to an ancient and venerated organization tries to tell that organization what they’re doing wrong? What if the Catholic church would rather do what they believe is right than pander to someone they believe is misguided?

Is it better to shrink because you’re standing on principle or grow because you’ve succumbed to pressure?

I realize that some of the warnings that they broadcast at the end of a commercial for medications are unlikely to happen. They tested the drug on 1000 people and it made one of them incontinent, so they have to warn us that taking the drug might lead to incontinence. Still, how many times have I been almost interested in a product—because hey, who doesn’t want better-looking toenails—only to learn that taking the product might lead to my demise? I’ll take the ugly toenail. And doesn’t a pill for dealing with erectile dysfunction that has the potential of leading to impotency seem like it’s made the original problem a whole lot worse?!?

And, if that pill works so well, why are the man and woman in separate bathtubs?