A Shot of Crassitude

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If you are one of the people who watched the Grammy Awards on Sunday night and thought the best performance of the night was by singer Natalie Grant who walked out on the “show”, don’t feel too bad. It just means you have taste.

Or forgot the Grammys were on.

Don’t feel too bad about that one, either, as there are so many awards programs on these days that—I’m not kidding—the Emmys actually give out an award for the best awards program broadcast. That’s got to be a hard choice to make because how do you tell all the Country Music Awards shows apart? There’s, like, one every other week!

Anyway, what was I talking about? I’m not sure, but I think I was going to say something about how, if you missed the Grammys, you can count yourself lucky. If you missed the Pro Bowl as well, go ahead and call yourself blessed. The Pro Bowl used to be a useless football-like game in Hawaii that was one degree less interesting than watching strangers at the park play touch football. Now it’s a useless football-like game in Hawaii that has become even more like a touch football game by having washed-up former players pick teams like they ARE the guys playing touch football at the park.

Anyway (part deux), a lot of people are upset about Sunday night’s Grammy program. Some are complaining because Katy Perry dressed like the sort of woman who might pop out of a cake at a Knight’s Templar bachelor party then did a pole dance with a broom while pretending to be burned at the stake, all while—as near as anyone could tell (if you can discern the lyrics of a Katy Perry song, it’s time to seek counseling immediately)—invoking either Satan or the ghost of Mick Jagger (who, oddly, isn’t dead). People who are objecting to her display fall, primarily, into two categories: those who object to the romanticizing of Satanism and those who are disappointed the “burning at the stake” was simulated.

In addition, other people are objecting because Beyonce’s derriere was fondled on camera by her husband. This, we’re told, is something children shouldn’t have been subjected to on national television which—I think—ignores a much larger issue: the sort of parent who would allow their child to watch the Grammys anyway! I mean, really! Did they not know going in that this was a show dedicated to the most narcissistic and base human beings on the planet?

And let’s not get into the faux wedding ceremony.

I have no problem with the people of the music industry holding an awards program. I don’t even have a problem that they often award music that, to me (and I mean this in the kindest possible way), has absolutely no value.

No, what bugs me about all of these awards shows is the arrogant presumption that I should care about them. When the Lion’s Club or the local welder’s union gives out awards each year, they hold a nice ceremony and honor those within their respective orders who deserve honor, but they are never so presumptuous as to think anyone outside the organization cares.