Baby Boom!

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Like many of you, I became aware—whether I wanted to be or not—that royal wife Kate Middleton-Mountbatten (that’s what her last name would be in the normal world, right?) was quite possibly going to give birth this past weekend.

I think the Middleton-Mountbatten-Windsors are just about as cute a couple as there is in the known world, and for all their inherited pomp and circumstances they come across as very likeable and down-to-earth and I wish them the best as parents. And let me go on record that I am all for babies, pregnancy, and “all that rot” as a British person would say (at least, they do in PG Wodehouse novels of the early 20th century).

So put me down as a proud supporter of parenthood and babyhood and all the rest before I say … “What?”

As in, “I don’t get it.”

Not that I don’t get a happily married couple wanting to have children—we have two ourselves—I just don’t get why we, Americans who fought a war with England for the express purpose of being able to wear funny three-pointed hats if we wanted to and not pay a confiscatory tax rate (which was, actually, less than we pay now, showing that we may have actually lost the Revolution—or given it back) and … where was I going with this?

Oh yeah. Here it is: there are a lot of babies born all over the world every day and I’m happy for every one of them I hear about, but why am I hearing so much about this particular baby? So he might or might not get to be king of England some day, so what? As near as I can tell, the purpose of the monarchy in England is to dress well and take fewer and less costly vacations than our President, so what’s the big deal about them having a “royal” baby?

Maybe it’s because I have grown up in America and the only king we’ve ever had during my lifetime was Elvis and I was too young to have noticed when his daughter was born but I just don’t understand all the hoopla for this one baby.

Morally, I think every baby should be cheered as loudly and happily as this little British boy. The baby born today in Moore County probably won’t grow up to be queen of England (especially if he’s a boy), but so what? He’s just as much a gift from God to his parents and the human race in general as little George Herbert Bartholomew Middleton-Mountbatten-Windsor the First and should be treated as such.

And lastly, I wonder if the prince and duchess are registered at Wal-Mart ‘cause I might get them something when I go there later for my tube socks.