Automotive Desire

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If you are a male, between the ages of—well, age doesn’t really matter in this case. If you’re a male living in the United States, you have probably seen the “new” Camaros they’ve come out with over the last couple years and thought they were an attractive car. Perhaps a very attractive car.

OK, you’ve had to start wearing a bib when driving just in case you see one of them (or the new Dodge Challenger) and start to drool. Being the professional that you are, it wouldn’t do to show up at a client’s place of business with a giant saliva stain on the front of your shirt. Even if you’re the guy that drives the “molten sulfur” truck, people frown on a grown man who dribbles.

Speaking of which (sort of), WHY are there trucks hauling molten sulfur through town? I’ve pulled up behind them and right on the back is a giant sign saying, “Caution: Molten Sulfur”. They don’t have to tell me twice. Although I would like to know what one uses molten sulfur for. I’ve had a lot of needs in my life and, so far as I know, none of them would have been fulfilled with molten sufur. But maybe that’s why I keep having them.

Anyway.

Within that subset of the American population that drools over cars (otherwise known in the vernacular as “men”), there is a smaller but very strong and vocal subset of men who—every time we (I mean, “they”) see one of the new Camaros, really wish there were a comparable Firebird or Trans Am. All four cars (the Camaro, the Firebird, the Trans Am, and the suped-up version of the Camaro whose name I can’t currently recall and don’t have the motivation to look up) were manufactured by GM for many years—Camaros by Chevy and Firebirds by Pontiac. Then, they went away. Few people really lamented it at the time because … who knows? Maybe we were tired of them.

But then, a few years ago, Chevy answered the call of almost no one and brought back the Camaro. It looked nothing like the old Camaro and there was really no lineal descent, but it had the Camaro name on it and people really liked the look of it. Having the main characters on the new “Hawaii 5-O” (motto: “Instead of a really fat guy, Kono’s now an emaciated girl named Kono!”) drive a silver Camaro didn’t hurt their sales a bit.

Still, many people wondered when Pontiac was going to release a new Firebird and Trans Am. What the people wondering this had failed to realize was that the entire Pontiac line had disappeared like Chuck Cunningham, making a Pontiac Firebird an unlikely candidate for new car-chiture. (I like to make up new words in hopes they’ll catch on, make it into the dictionary, then I can use them in Scrabble.)

If you are one of those people—the car people, not the word people—you’ll be happy, perhaps even thrilled, to learn that a company in Florida is now making Firebirds and Trans Ams out of Camaros (see them here “http://transamdepot.com/trans_am_showroom.html”). Instead of just paying a year’s salary for a new car, you can pay a year & a half’s salary for the SAME car, except with different tail lights and one of those cool screaming eagle stickers on the hood!

I, for one, knew that Pontiac had gone under but I find this really good news for two reasons. A] I find these new Trans Ams really nice looking and 2] I like to think that if the Firebird can come back, maybe Jim Rockford can, too.