Slow to Respond

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You may have seen the news: a man in (where else?) California is suing BMW because he says riding a motorcycle has given him …

Um … this is a family newspaper.

So, let’s think of those commercials where the man takes a pill and then winds up in an inexplicably separate bath tub next to his wife. If the pill had worked, wouldn’t you think they would be in the same bath tub? Anyway, you know what those pills are supposed to do for a man, right?

This man in California is suing BMW because let’s just say he’s been sitting in that bath tub for 20 months now. 20 months. TWENTY MONTHS!

Thinking of those commercials again, don’t they all say very clearly that if their pill effects you for, um, more than four hours you should call the doctor?

Yet this guy waited 20 months. Did he not find it to be a problem for the first nineteen? I mean, who here hasn’t had a toothache, you mention it to a co-worker, and they say, “You need to go to a dentist.” If the pain persists, we go to a dentist. But how many times has it gone away and we patted ourselves on our figurative back teeth for not “wasting money on the dentist”?

Joe Motorcycle rides his bike (on what wasn’t a factory seat, the story adds, so his lawsuit seems even more tenuous) and finds that it does something odd to his anatomy. Depending on the sort of man he was before, he probably walked with embarrassment into his house and hoped things “calmed down”. Another sort of man can’t wait to tell his friends, “I got the best bike ever!!”

Either man, though, under normal circumstances, starts to wonder if something is wrong when “symptoms persist” for a couple hours. If he wakes up the next day and things are still the same, it’s doctor time! At the very least, he’s going to watch “The View” or some other such show that would have previously remedied the situation by hastening all amorous thoughts from his mind.

But who waits twenty months to see if a toothache goes away? More people than would wait twenty months to see if this sort of problem went away!

As a non-lawyer, I wouldn’t think this man would have a case. But then, this is a country of stupid lawsuits, so maybe his will payoff. If nothing else, he’s gained himself a notoriety few of us will ever share. And for that we can be thankful.

[find the story here so you’ll know I’m not making this up!]