Ask Mister Man-Who-Knows

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I see that the mailbag is almost full and, therefore, it is time to have another of our sessions wherein I answer those questions which you, the loyal reader, would have sent in if you could have found your pencil.

Q. Dear Mister Man-Who-Knows, my brother has started dating a girl I just can’t stand! I mean it: she’s crazy. I think she will be a very bad influence on my brother. So my question is: do you think these shoes go with this skirt?

A. Absolutely not.

Q. My cousin and I recently got into a discussion about the proper use of verbs. For instance, which of the following sentences would be correct? “I wish I were going to Six Flags for the holidays” or “I wish I was going to Six Flags for the holidays”?

A. The rule Mrs. Carter always taught us when we were studying English is, “When speaking in the subjective, always use the plural verb.” Or, if you can’t remember that, try to keep this in mind: even though the park is open at Christmas a lot of the rides aren’t.

Q. Why is it that it takes a whole team of these “CSI’ people to do what Quincy used to do by himself?

A. They don’t have Sam assisting them.

Q. Would you come shovel the snow off my walk?

A. No.

Q. We’ve been having a debate at our house about what was the greatest Christmas movie of all-time. I say it was “It’s a Wonderful Life” but my brother says it’s that one slasher movie where Santa sneaks into peoples’ houses and kills them in their sleep. Can you settle this argument for us?

A. Movie preferences are such a personal, preferential thing that it would be hard for me to make the choice for you. However, I would suggest that you stack tin cans in front of your bedroom door any time your brother is spending the night near Christmas.

Q. On all these new eReaders, like Amazon’s Kindle and Barnes & Noble’s Kindle, are there REALLY any good books to read?

A. Of course. Some of the best available are “Overstreet”, an epic western by Samuel Ben White. For a change of pace, you might want to read “First Time: The Legend of Garison Fitch” a story of time travel by author Samuel Ben White. Other good reads are “Psalm 88” a story about finding love while hating God by noted author Samuel Ben White or “The Nice Guy” an adventure/detective novel by sensational, self-serving author Samuel Ben White.