Fried Pride!

  • user warning: Table 'tuttles.date_format_types' doesn't exist query: SELECT dft.type, dft.title, dft.locked FROM date_format_types dft ORDER BY dft.title in /home/public/sites/all/modules/date/date_api.module on line 2098.
  • user warning: Table 'tuttles.date_format_locale' doesn't exist query: SELECT format, type, language FROM date_format_locale in /home/public/sites/all/modules/date/date_api.module on line 2227.

This past weekend has made me proud to be from the great State of Texas. I’m not talking about the Texas Rangers. That’s good, too, I suppose (though I’m more of an Astros man, myself).

What has really made me proud of my Texas heritage this week has been the news from the Texas Vegetarian Fair: they served fried food.

Now, there are many reasons for being a vegetarian. Some people do it for medical reasons and some do it for religious reasons—neither of which I fault, mind you—but the overriding reason most people pursue a vegetarian lifestyle is the sense of superiority that allows them to look down their emaciated noses at everyone else.

Wait, that’s not what I mean to say. Must’ve just been a Freudian slip. What I meant to say was that the one thing all vegetarians have in common is the belief that being a vegetarian is a healthier lifestyle than that of us meat-eaters. Never mind that it isn’t, you gotta applaud a person with convictions, right? You don’t? Well, where did I hear that? Never mind, on with the article.

At the Texas Vegetarian Fair, in (possibly) either Dallas or Austin, this was the first year they allowed fried foods into the competition. Or, maybe it wasn’t. Maybe this is just the first year that the media was bored enough to cover the Texas Vegetarian Fair.

Anyway, you can go to this fair for free and sample all sorts of vegetarian and vegan delights. For those of you who weren’t aware the two things were in any way different, the difference is (I think, without looking this up) that a vegan meal or lifestyle has absolutely no animal fat in it at all. Whereas a vegetarian might eat fish or occasionally allow something to be cooked in fat—if there’s no alternative, which I can’t imagine there wouldn’t be—the vegan takes pride in having harmed no animals whatsoever in the preparation of their meal. Why, if they’re making Vegan Chili* and the cook accidentally slices part of his finger into the pot, they THROW THE WHOLE THING OUT!

*I can’t remember what I was going to do with that asterisk. Sorry.

Now, I am not opposed to a vegetarian lifestyle. I’ve actually had a good veggie burger in my life—though what put it over the top was frying it up in beef tallow. So I am all for our vegetarian brothers and sister rediscovering the joys of fried foods. It’s something we excel at here in Texas. Why, at the Texas State Fair, not only can you get the best fried corn dogs in the world, you can get fried Twinkies, fried Dr Pepper (I don’t know how—or why—they do that) and, this year, even fried bubble gum.

What’s great about all these foods is that, as you eat them, you can actually hear your arteries clogging. Every night at the State Fair, the Dallas Coroner’s office combs through the grounds with the debris-sweepers, just looking for additional victims of the “19% Butter-Fat Ice Cream” and “Hubcap-Sized Hamburgers” that the police might have missed earlier in their sweep of known drug dealers.

So I’m glad to see vegetarians throwing caution to the wind and admitting that, sometimes, food tastes best when it’s served the worst.