If You Build It

  • user warning: Table 'tuttles.date_format_types' doesn't exist query: SELECT dft.type, dft.title, dft.locked FROM date_format_types dft ORDER BY dft.title in /home/public/sites/all/modules/date/date_api.module on line 2098.
  • user warning: Table 'tuttles.date_format_locale' doesn't exist query: SELECT format, type, language FROM date_format_locale in /home/public/sites/all/modules/date/date_api.module on line 2227.

Whether I walk or drive to work, I am required to go by two new restaurants that are being built (unless I go wildly out of my way). I am anxious to try them both … and I have no idea why.

One of them is part of a chain. I can tell you right now what the food will taste like (Answer: like all the other food served by that chain). There may be new floors and new walls but even if they have new workers, it won’t matter. How can I know that? Because when they were in that location before they had new workers every time I went in and the food was always exactly the same.

This is on purpose. No one goes to this chain because it has the best hamburgers in the world. People go there because it is (relatively) cheap and even though they’ve never driven through Dumas before they know what those burgers will taste like because they are identical all across the United States. We all going in knowing the burger won’t be great, but we’re relatively certain it won’t make us violently ill.

It is not a restaurant designed for those of discerning palate. Though, I did know a guy who could—while blindfolded—actually tell the difference between their fish sandwich and the fried apple pie. I’m pretty sure it was a trick of some sort, but we never could figure it out.

The other restaurant is not part of a chain, but I think the seating might have been at one time. I can see it through the window. It’s unassembled and dirty, but it looks like the sort of seating the above-mentioned chain used three re-models ago. Where it’s been since then I don’t know, but it doesn’t seem to have been covered with a dust cloth.

Now, maybe by the time they get around to opening the new place—they put up a sign and piled up the seat-parts in a hurry and then stalled out—the proprietors will have cleaned up the booths, but right now they are not an appetizing sight. But the real thing that makes me hesitant about this new restaurant is that it would appear to be a Mexican food restaurant of some sort. Now, don’t get me wrong: I LOVE Mexican food. If you live in or near Dumas, TX, though, you’ll know we already have a Mexican food restaurant or two (or fifty). They may all be good, but as a person who can only afford to eat out once a week, I’m already about three years behind the Mexican food restaurants that opened up just in September and now there’s another one on the way.

Whoops, my mistake. There are now two on the way. (Possibly three or four by the time you read this.)

Anyway, a recent news report said that the people of Oklahoma City lead the entire United States in eating out with the average citizen eating out 17 times a week. 17?!?! There are only 21 meals in a week (28 if you live in Milwaukee), so that means they only have four meals a week with which to eat the left-over pizza from the nights before! How can they do that? How is it that their highway bridges don’t just collapse under the weight of the populace?

My point here is that early indications give me no reason to look forward to the opening of either of these restaurants but—so long as they don’t open in the same week—I’ll eat at them both on Opening Day.