Dancing with the SWAT Team

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On the night of November 16, 2010, a 67 year old Wisconsin man found his house surrounded by the local SWAT team merely because he had blasted his TV into tiny little pieces with a shotgun. He had a reason, of course. He was mad that Bristol Palin had made it to the finals of “Dancing with the Stars”.

I don’t know what this country is coming to.

When an American citizen can no longer shoot off firearms in the confines of his own home merely because he has a grasp of reality as tenuous as a politician’s promises, well, then, I suppose the terrorists have won.

Having just now bothered to read the rest of the story, it seems that the man—after dealing a life-threatening blow to his TV—also turned the gun on his wife. I’m guessing she had made an attempt to defend either Bristol or the TV (the article doesn’t say). The wife, wisely, fled the house. There’s a note at the end of the “news article” that indicates the man might be bi-polar.

Ya think?!?!

For starters, he’s watching “Dancing with the Stars”. Now, don’t get me wrong. I know a lot of you—including many of my friends right here in Dumas—watch “DWTS” quite regularly. Some of you even dial in and “vote” for your “favorites”. Despite my own well-known penchant for improperly placed quotation marks, I think you’re crazy.

Just kidding.

It’s a TV show and, like most shows, it appeals to some people and not to others. I am most definitely one of the others. I like Tom Bergeron as a host of other programs—including but not limited to “America’s Funniest Home Videos” whatever beauty pageant it is he hosts (they all look alike to me), and the news. Remember that? Tom Bergeron used to be the morning anchor of a news show that featured him, a perky woman, and a puppet. I’m not kidding. Tom and the woman would report the news while this puppet (which was either a snake or that man-eating plant from “The Addams Family”, I’m not sure) would appear and “add levity”. It was just like “The Today Show” or “Good Morning America” except that it didn’t take itself seriously and was entertaining—so, of course, it was cancelled.

I guess I just don’t understand dance. Maybe it’s the fact that I grew up in Abilene—the Buckle of the Bible belt—where dancing was somewhat frowned upon, or maybe it’s just my complete lack of rhythm, but I have never understood the desire to dance and—even less—the desire to watch someone else dance. I can appreciate that it takes some work to do it well, but honestly, I can’t really tell the good dancers from the bad dancers unless or until the bad dancing somehow results in a concussion for one or both of the partners.

In conclusion, I’d like to say to all fans of DWTS who may be reading this: enjoy the show, keep the shotgun unloaded and please, please, please—above all—don’t try to explain to me why I should like dancing more. Just as a courtesy, you understand.